4.10.12

Mind Blowing, Heart Humbling

I start to tear up, trying to shake off this feeling that has felt so dormant until now.
I remember, only a year ago.
The feeling of uncertainty, so scared of what was to come.
I felt alone. 
Like I didn't belong. Something was missing.
I came here. 
The newness, the fresh start. Being so stubborn to want my way in things. Busy, stressed at times. And then it came all at once.
No, God, really? You want me to do that? To change MY plans, to change what I wanted to happen.
I fight it, I tell myself no. And then, I slowly let the idea sink into my heart.
Oh Lord, maybe you are right. Could this be it? This plan, this purpose you have had for me all along? 
I get excited, a little scared. I talk with my parents, I see my dad. His encouragement, his wisdom that maybe this is what needs to be done.
So now I plan and prepare. I change what I wanted to do, to this new passion tugging on my heart.
I don't know what will happen. But I want to try it, to see if this is what I need to do.
Every new beginning begins with single step and now Lord, lead me in Your steps.